I've got a very special treat for you this time, and hopefully this one leads to more. We're doing a guest blog post tonight!
Because I've been following Michelle on her journey for the past year, I thought this would be as good a time as any, to have her share a bit about her loss, and her growth, during that time. Please read on ~
"Loving Yourself after Loss
I have always liked who I was, but I love who I am becoming…
My amazing husband, whom I was married to for 26 years, passed away from a Stage 4 Glioblastoma Terminal Brain Tumor in July of 2019. His death changed me forever. Death, when it hits so close to home, makes you take a hard look at who you were and who you want to become. Guilt, I have come to learn, only holds you back. Faith, love, and hope, help you move forward.
Like others who have experienced the loss of a husband, whether through death or divorce; the experience leaves you asking yourself, “Who am I?”, “Will anyone ever love me again?”, “Am I good enough”, “What now?”. Though these questions, I am sure, would be hard for anyone to answer; as a coming 50 year old Plus Sized Curvy women, who has spent her entire life fighting the battle of the bulge; the loss of my husband left me exhausted, with no fight left to battle my weight. I grieved, I healed; in fact I am still healing, and then I decided it was time to start answering these questions. The result, I started loving myself…..All size 22 of me.
It’s a rare and epic moment when a person really gets that fact that they are who they are for a reason. Most of us struggle with doubts about our greatness, about our usefulness, about our purpose. We fretfully compare ourselves to others while the light inside of us cries out to be seen. If self-enhancement is your goal, then comparing yourself to other people will always make you miserable. Now read that last sentence again. Your relationship with yourself is the most defining factor in shaping the kind of life you want to live. Individuality is the spark that makes you BEAUTIFUL and in turn sheds much beauty on the rest of the world. Let your light shine, LOVE YOURSELF just as you are; you will be doing yourself and the rest of us a BIG favor.
The one lesson I learned since losing my husband is this: I am absolutely the most important person in my entire universe. This month I decided to do something that I have always wanted to do just for me, but have spent my whole life feeling like I was “to fat” or “to Ugly” to do it. I took this Plus Sized Curvy Body of mine and did a Boudoir Photo Shoot. It was truly the most liberating and scariest thing I have ever done. I’ve spent almost 50 years hiding from the camera.
One of my Favorite Quotes of all time is from The Velveteen Rabbit!!"
" You become. It takes a long time. That’s why it doesn’t happen often to people who break easily, or have sharp edges, or who have to be carefully kept. Generally, by the time you are Real, most of your hair has been loved off, and your eyes drop out and you get loose in your joints and very shabby. But these things don’t matter at all, because once you are Real you can’t be ugly, except to people who don’t understand." ~ Margery Williams -The Velveteen Rabbit
Michelle is writing a book about her journey through the tumor diagnoses!!